It’s 12:15 AM as I am writing this blog post. It’s been an exhausting week. We had to put our family cat down of 14 years, Henry loves talking about monster trucks until 11 PM and my Daughter Sal is my EXACT twin…which means she has as much energy as a freight train. This is only a fraction of what it’s like being a dad…
But I am imagining anyone who decided to click on this post is just looking for some common things we can all relate to..being a dad is bloody exhausting.
I typically love posting about ways to help dads. Some Stoic information I am researching, or things that I have found worked when disciplining one of my kids.
But I actually think this type of content will help even more than “giving advice”
What It’s Like Being A Dad?
What’s it like being a dad? Well where do I start? Let’s see if some of these “war stories” resonate with some of the other dads out there. I’m sure I’m not far off!
Typically my day begins at 5:30 AM. My daughter Sal, (We call her Birdie!) is wide awake and ready for some morning cuddles while we watch some Bluey or play a game while she helps me make coffee. Before I drop the kids off at Kindergarten and dayhome I get in a workout. (Kettlebells are my favorite for a 30 minute killer burn!)
Henry likes to sleep in a little bit more than Bird does, but man are they both ready to go. Birds favorite breakfast is either hardboiled eggs or fruitloops, and Henry literally eats ALL the fruit!
Whats it’s like being a dad? It’s hearing these two wildlings bicker about things like touching each others stuffies, or who sits in whos spot on the couch…daily. It’s having to tell Bird not to put playdoh on the TV while Henry is really in that naked-running-around-the-house phase. He’s six by the way. It’s rushing to get snacks and clothes on and trying to remember brushing their teeth a few times a week.
Before kids Heather and I were able to keep things relatively clean. But now? It’s like everything they do leaves a trail of dirty clothes and….so many crumbs. Snacks are left half eaten as we rush off to start the day and I usually take 15 minutes to make the house look presentable before I hide the rest of the mess in my Microsoft Teams custom background. (You do it too guys!)
What it’s like being a dad? It’s constant worry about not just your kids, but making sure you show up as a provider, role model, partner and still keeping yourself healthy mentally and physically. It’s taking all of the experienve you had growing up with your father and either he inspires you…or he doesn’t. Then you have to pivot to make sure your kids don’t end up like you did!
Being a dad means you are going to fail a lot. Which adults seem really bad at these days. Remember when you used to ride your bike? And you would keep falling down over and over again until you were able to finally ride that thing without training wheels and without mom or dads help?
The Modern Father needs to be comfortable with failing, like anything in life you want to get good at. And truly enjoying every moment of chaos. Dads need to realize that each of these crazy days will one day be over. The house will be quiet and you and your partner will be clamoring for the days of tiny hand prints on the mirrors and “daddy, I need you’s.”
What it’s like being a dad? It’s knowing that you are raising your children to not need your help anymore. It’s the slowest, most painful, and most rewarding breakup you will ever go through. You will experience hundreds of versions of your kids over your lifetime. But they will always bring a beautiful and perfect new version.
What It’s Like Being A Dad; What’s The Point?
Many adults who don’t have kids will ask “well what’s the point? You’re always tired and broke and you never get any time to yourself.
I’ll tell you why. All parents know this answer…
I now firmly believe that you really only become a man when you raise a child. There…I said it. Being a dad is sacrificing things, putting your children first, and loving another human more than you love yourself. It started with my beautiful wife Heather, and I knew I would always be able to give her things she needed. I put her feelings first all the time. But your children never CHOSE you. You chose them. Being a father is an incredible experience. You get so see the world through your childs eyes, especially when you slow down and enjoy it with them.
They owe you nothing, and as their father, you owe them everything. You and your partner decided to bring a tiny little human into this world, and you know you can’t take that for granted.
What it’s like being a really GOOD dad? Showing up every day, even on the hard ones. It’s being open to making mistakes, but owning them immediately. It’s teaching your kids kindness, empathy, and strength.
At the end of the day, The Stoic Dad realizes that these days are part of being a father. It’s not easy, and will test him daily. He’s not planning on changing anything externally, just how HE handles these situations. Fatherhood is the biggest responsibility a man will ever face.
One of my favorite scenes from Breaking Bad is Gus Fring talking to Walter about how a man provides. The drugs aside, its a really powerful scene.
What it’s like being a dad? The best thing in the world.
