This is going to be a bit of a vulnerable post for me. But I’m really happy to talk about some of my experiences with Fatherhood, and the things I have learned along the way. It hasn’t been easy. there have been good days and bad, but ultimately I am so grateful to be a dad. My kids and wife are my entire world, but it can come with it’s own set of challenges. I created this list of 7 things fatherhood has taught me to see if it resonates with other dads out there. Maybe you want to comment some things it’s personally taught you? Lets dive in.
1. Fatherhood Requires Patience; Way More Than You Think
I grew up with a…less patient household. There was a lot more reactions and not enough mindful presence and slowing down. This one is a big deal for me because I’ve definitely had my moments where I react and don’t try to slow down. Now that my son and daughter are 5 and 6 it’s more challenging than ever. daily arguments about things and I sometimes feel like I never get a break.
But you know what? This is healthy for the kids. I’m trying my best to create healthy boundaries where my children shouldn’t be afraid to come to me, or worried I’ll react in a negative way. Modern fatherhood is remembering that childrens brains develop slower and need patience, and not a parent freaking out all the time. I have definitely improved on this and realize giving space is important; not just for the kids, but me as well. Long deep breaths help here!
2. I Discovered That My Presence Matters More Than My Perfection
I used to think being a “good dad” meant getting it all right,having the answers, managing everything perfectly, always being emotionally balanced. I was wrong. I’m still pretty hard on myself with this. Especially when I need more patience (see above!)
What my kids need most aren’t a flawless version of me. They need a father who shows up, consistently, attentively, imperfectly.
There are moments when I mess up, when I lose my cool or get distracted. But I’ve learned that presence, the kind where I actually see them, hear them, connect with them is what truly shapes our bond. And in that presence, I become a better version of myself, even if I’m still figuring it out. I’ve also become a lot better at apologizing. This is a key thing kids need to see. Parents admitting they messed up, instead of leaving freakouts unanswered can have a negative lasting effect!
3. I Stopped Trying To Control Situations, And Let More Things Go
With fatherhood, I liked to believe I had control. I scheduled things, planned outcomes, and measured success by how predictable things felt. Fatherhood shattered that illusion in the best possible way.
I can’t control my child’s sleep schedule. I can’t predict their meltdowns, or the way they interpret the world. I can guide, support, and love, but not dictate. This was another thing that hurt me a lot when I was young. There was way too much control and not enough room for organic growth for me. That changes with my children.
This shift has taught me to breathe deeper, react slower, and stop trying to force life into tidy boxes. Letting go of control wasn’t giving up. It was growing up, into someone more flexible, grounded, and aware. They say children will only slow you down….but maybe thats the point?
4. I Had to Confront My Own Childhood, Whether I Wanted To or Not
Nothing triggers old wounds like becoming a parent. Who else can relate?
Moments I thought I had long buried, the way I was disciplined, how emotions were handled (or ignored), the standards placed on me, suddenly resurfaced when I was faced with how to parent my own child.
Fatherhood brought all of it to the surface. But instead of running from it, I’ve learned to sit with it. I’ve started healing parts of myself I didn’t know were broken. I’ve learned that being a dad isn’t just about teaching a child, it’s about reparenting yourself in the process. Things don’t have to remain the same, and in fact, modern fatherhood demands a change in the old ways of parenting. It’s harder, but my kids won’t grow up with the same experiences I had.
5. I Found Strength in Softness
Growing up, I believed strength meant toughness, stoicism, and endurance. But fatherhood taught me that real strength often looks like softness, sitting on the floor to listen, holding space for tears, admitting when I’m wrong.
Being tender didn’t make me weaker. It made me safer, someone my child could come to, not just obey. I used to flinch at vulnerability. Now, I realize it’s what gives our home its heartbeat. If The Rock, or Chris Hemsworth can be big softies….than I can be too!
I also tell me kids I love them…often. I never want them to question this. There were some silent treatments I got as a kid that…well…have caused me to start a blog all about Stoic Fatherhood!
6. I Understood That Legacy Isn’t What You Leave Behind, It’s How You Show Up Now
I used to think “legacy” was something tied to wealth, reputation, or achievement. Something people talk about when you’re gone.
Now I know: legacy is daily. It’s how I respond when I’m interrupted. It’s whether I choose my phone or my child’s story. It’s how I handle conflict, how I speak about others, how I treat myself when I fail.
Fatherhood showed me that legacy isn’t some distant goal, it’s now. It’s being the kind of man I’d want my child to become, or to someday marry, or to trust.
When I’m gone I just want my kids to genuinely know I loved them, and supported them, and hopefully we still hung out all the time and they always brought the grandkids over.
7. I Learned That Love Is a Verb, Not a Feeling
Before fatherhood, I thought love was something you feel deeply; warmth, affection, pride. And while that’s true, it’s not the full picture.
Love, I’ve learned, is in the 3 a.m. feedings when you feel like you’re breaking. It’s in the small compromises, the long drives, the repeated answers to the same question. It’s in the choices the ones no one sees that say, “You matter more than my comfort right now.” I went to Henry’s first kindergarten assembly a few weeks ago, and it’s simply a feeling you can’t replace when they pick you out of a crowd!
Fatherhood redefined love as something active. Not just what I feel but what I do, over and over again, even when I’m tired, even when no one is watching.
Final Thoughts
Fatherhood isn’t just a job. It’s a journey that slowly transforms you in the small, hard, invisible moments. These lessons weren’t in any book. No one warned me about them. But they’re the ones that changed me the most.
If you’re a new dad, or about to become one, know this: you don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to learn. Because fatherhood doesn’t just raise children, it raises future men and women.
What did I miss? What lessons have you learned? Or are continuing to learn? Drop a comment below and if you aren’t already, follow me on Instagram!
